Walk in this 미로

다 아는 건 아니어도

바라던 대로 말해줘 say it back

/Walk in this maze

Not that I know everything but

Just as I want it

Say it say it back/

-NewJeans, <Ditto>

Firstly, happy new year! I can’t say I was 100% looking forward to it, but like most things in life, it just fell into place. A place that is sometimes in the middle, where time feels stagnant yet finite. 

Life in Korea has been great. Since my last post, many more things have fallen into place. My Korean skills have been steadily improving, and now ordering food is much less nerve-wracking. And I have also gotten ever so slightly better at navigating Seoul’s subway system, so yay for me. People in my class are no longer strangers, and the daily 4-hour classes have become surprisingly comforting. Even the K-pop dance club, which is rather physically draining, has become quite emotionally fulfilling. And as the dawns turn into dusks, one month has already passed. 

I am now officially in the “middle” of my time in Korea, and I am fully resonating with this strange but familiar feeling of middle-ness. I am acutely aware of the things left unticked on my to-do list, but I am also slowly losing track of how far I have gone — a sentiment that leaves me lying aimlessly in bed, thinking about all the things I could have done. It is a hard feeling to pull oneself out of, especially in a foreign country where even the smallest thing feels like the biggest challenge. 

But, I think maybe the key to this is to remember that although this middle zone feels like a maze, one is still moving through it. And like most, if not all, things there are, it has an end, so as long as you keep moving, there will be an answer. Not every move needs to be the right one but certainly do as your heart desires.

In this wandering, it is easy to feel alone, to feel desperate for someone else’s acknowledgement. And although I believe that the people around you are a great source of strength, sometimes the “ditto” that you might be yearning for is one from yourself. As much as abroad experiences build on one’s cultural understanding, I have particularly enjoyed how far this experience has allowed me to settle into who I am. 

Fingers crossed for the year ahead, and I hope everyone stays happy, safe and well.

2 thoughts on “Middle-Ditto

  1. Thank you Wendy, reading this post you wrote has inspired me so much and has re-invoked the energy within me to keep on moving! Just like you I am also the the “middle process” of my exchange in Italy and I can fully resonate with that navigating a foreign city is both exciting and chaotic. But like you said, I shall continue to press forwards even if I don’t know the final answer right this moment.

    1. Hello Helen~ Thank you for your kind words and I hope you are finding your way to enjoy Italy! Wishing you all the best for the rest of your exchange and beyond 😀

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