On the 26th of January, almost three weeks since arriving in India, I experienced my lowest moment. Physically, I was completely fine. My health is, and has been, at 100% (touch wood). But emotionally, I felt a swirling tornado of emotions that ripped apart the metaphorical shelter that protected me from the harsh reality of this world.
I woke up at 4:15am that day because we needed to catch a 6:20am train, taking us from Mumbai to Ahmedabad, the largest city in the state of Gujarat. Our place of stay in Mumbai at the time, West End Hotel, provided us with bananas, biscuits, tea, and coffee in the early hours of the morning. I wasn’t hungry at the time so I stuffed a plastic bag full of bananas to take with me on the train. By 5am, everyone was waiting in the lobby with all their bags, ready to depart. As we wheeled our luggage out of the hotel, I noticed a group of homeless people. Six people slept on the footpath and a small family of three slept on the road behind an ambulance. This family consisted of two young kids – a girl and her younger brother – and their mum. My guess is that the girl is about 10 years old and her younger brother is about 7 years old. The young girl was restless. She tossed and turned, unable to find a moment of respite. Next to her was her younger brother, who slept shallowly and coughed deeply. All the homeless people slept on cardboard pieces under the cover of thin, tattered rags.
I want you to picture this: Emerging from the hotel was us, the Prime Minister’s Scholars, but appearing like any other group of tourists. Freshly fed, we walked out of the hotel in high spirits, albeit tired, with big suitcases full of clothes and adorned with beautiful personal accessories. Thirty meters away was them, the people sleeping on the streets. A group of people with practically nothing, wearing mismatched clothes, maybe starving from a meal long ago.
In my 22 years of privileged, sheltered life, I’ve never seen a starker contrast.
India’s cuisine has a lot of herbs and spices. There has been more than a few times on this trip when I bit into a chili. On the first bite, you wouldn’t even know that it’s a chili. But give it a few more seconds and your eyes will water and your entire mouth & throat will burn. Seeing the group of homeless people, especially the family of three, was like biting into a mental chili – with an intensity of 100x. What I saw broke my heart – in a much more devastating way than visiting Dharavi (biggest slum in Asia) the previous day. Maybe it’s because I didn’t expect to see the group of homeless as I was leaving a fancy hotel, and I was mentally prepared for Dharavi? On the bus ride from West End Mumbai Hotel to Mumbai Central Station, I was shook to my core and I couldn’t stop crying.
Throughout this trip, I hoped to see a scene that’s like so: A large, wealthy building right next to some small, rundown shacks. That’s because I wanted to capture a scene that is thought-provoking for its audience, prompting them to consider the wealth inequality that exists – not for the reason that I believe there can be, and should be, equality of outcome in this world; but rather, consider the idea that wealth inequalities are a consequence of the inequality of the combination of opportunities + auspiciousness.
While the scene I witnessed outside West End Mumbai Hotel wasn’t exactly what I described above, what I saw very effectively reflected my intention behind wanting to capture the scene in question. I’ve always thought that this scene is something that I would see coming, in a much more obvious way. To witness it when I did was an absolute shocker. It’s funny how life sometimes gives you what you want when you least expect it, in a more subtle manner than what you envisioned. Even more shocking was the realization that the scene I imagined has always been from the point of view of an outsider – as someone who simply observes the contrast between the rich and the poor. But the reality is that I’m more than an outsider, I’m part of the wealthy. I couldn’t help but wonder whether my good fortune, education, opportunities, and privileges have come at the expense of others.
At that moment, I felt a mixture of positive and negative emotions – grief, sadness, gratitude, empowerment, helplessness, and frustration. There wasn’t much that I could do for these people. All I was able to do was to take the bag of bananas that I prepared for the train trip and place it by them.
It doesn’t make sense why I’ve been so fortunate throughout my life. It just doesn’t. I don’t know why I’ve had all the opportunities that have come my way. I don’t know why it’s not me on the street, sleeping behind the wheels of an ambulance. This experience was incredibly humbling, uncomfortable, and has made me all the more grateful for everything I have.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for taking time out of your day to read my chaotic thoughts!